5 Years Into Forever
5 years ago I said “I do” to my best friend.
It wasn’t a whirlwind romance, and it wasn’t something we entered into lightly. But we were sure; more sure than anything else. We stood at the altar, hand in hand, before God and everybody with the world ahead of us. We were just babies. We had a lot of growing up to do, and we were under no illusion that it was going to be easy, but (if we’re honest) there was a part of us that was still banking on a fairytale.
It hasn’t been. At least not the traditional fairytale. Not every day is roses and romance. There isn’t a glittery dress and dance every day. There isn’t a predictable happily ever after. Some days we don’t “feel” love, but we choose to love. Love is standing in the truth of God bringing us together and resting in that even when the enemy wants to attack it and destroy. It’s hard, gritty work. Some days are full of doubt: am I a good wife? Is this where I need to be? Are we going to make it? These are the days that riddled with sin and spiritual warfare. I take my focus off of the truth of who God is and who is ultimately in control of this marriage. But most days. Most days are good. There is lots of love and quiet romance. There is safety, protection, a quiet knowing that this is it. In this, God is glorified.
It’s a hard fought battle to keep the enemy out and away. See, when he sees strength and a place where God is glorified, he attacks. His goal is to steal the joy, kill certainty and rest, and destroy good things. But we made a covenant together that the enemy does not get to have our marriage. We dug in a long time ago, and made a choice that this marriage would be forever. This is our safety, our constant even when it feels a bit wonky. We can stand on truth and in truth that this is of God and it is good. Marriage is too important to the gospel, so the enemy is out to get it. We’ve learned to safeguard our marriage by pressing in to each other and to our Savior, the center of all that we are.
I thought we could model our marriage after others. In the beginning, I wanted it to be my parents; after all, that’s what I knew and it was good. But it wasn’t perfect. Then, tried to throw some of my in-law’s in. Same story. There were people we borrowed from, but each came up short. But we’ve learned what works for us, and it’s not anyone else’s marriage. On the hard days, I think of failed marriages, which I will admit is toxic, but that’s what the enemy does. I become afraid that we will turn up like them because I went crazy, and it terrifies me. I am learning, though, to just rest in the truth that we know. We were made for forever. God would not bring us together so that we may be torn apart, but the key is that we both have to be all in, always relying on Him. Our marriage isn’t anyone else’s; it’s ours.
In 5 years, we’ve lived in 4 different homes, made two moves, bought a house, started big kid jobs, quit big kid jobs and waited on the Lord for a year, started more big kid jobs, lost family members, gained family members, made friends, lost friends, laughed, cried, been indifferent, been passionate, and loved. We’ve come a lot of miles, and yet, we’ve just started to build our lives. I look back to five years ago and I see babes who were never more confident in anything, and that is what carries us through all the ups and downs. We aren’t the same people we were 5 years ago. We’ve definitely changed and grown. God brought us together for a purpose, to glorify him, and the enemy doesn’t get to have our marriage. It’s not a fairytale, but it is good. We are growing. And I’m proud of what we have built in this five years. I can’t wait to see God do more than we could ask or imagine in the coming 100 years.
Today, Levi, I love you more than I did then. You are my comforter, protector, comedian, and helper. You love me in my crazy, but you don’t let me stay there. I promise to stand in the light with you even when it feels dark. You are, only second to following Jesus, the best decision I’ve ever made.
