Every Time
I feel like I’m the problem.
Every time I open my mouth.
Every time I make a decision.
Every time I voice an opinion or a concern.
Every time…
I’m making someone mad, it seems.
When I wear my shirts with Christian sayings or my cross necklace, I feel like a hypocrite. I’m constantly wondering if what I’m doing and saying, how I’m treating people reflects Christ. Many would likely jump to shout, “NO!”
The old saying, “You can’t win for losing”… story of my life these days.
I used to say, I don’t care what other people think, and – for the most part – I don’t. But I would be lying if I said that I didn’t want to be liked. I think we all have that desire; we don’t want to be the old grizzly bears everyone is afraid of and doesn’t want to be around. I’ve wondered if I’ve changed, becoming someone I don’t recognize. It seems like I’m the common denominator in all these situations. But while I want to be liked and easy to get along with, I have to wonder what the cost is. Is it worth it?
I’m discouraged, hurt, and fighting constant battles that don’t even feel worth it. When I get to these places, I know I have to reorient myself to truth. But if I’m honest, it’s hard to do that – to desire to do that – after a constant barrage. It’s easy to lose sight of truth.
The truth is every time Jesus opened His mouth, He, at least, offended people. More likely, he angered them. He stood for what was true in the face of a society that wanted to twist these truths for their convenience. He didn’t bow to popular opinion. He didn’t cave to please society. He never wavered from the truth. His goal was not to be liked, but to save a lost and dying world.
The truth is that I can’t please everyone, and if I try, I will only be miserable. I’ve fallen prey to the lie that I have to be a pleaser over and over, and it only makes things worse. It’s also true here that no matter what I say or do, there are some people that I will not be able to make happy. Ever. It’s likely the cycle of pleasing people and people needing to be pleased constantly are symptoms of a deeper issue. I have to remember that it isn’t my job to fulfill others; that job is reserved only for the King.
The truth is that when people don’t get their way, they get angry (myself included, at times). When they are hurt, it’s easy to hurt others. The world is distorted when we are hurt, and we have to learn to navigate that. It’s messy and takes casualties that may not have been intended. I need to try to understand those who seem to lash out against me, but I also have to realize there’s a line. People don’t like being told no, and they love to play the victim. It’s not always easy to determine where the anger is coming from, so it’s best to err on the side of grace and mercy. However, we also have to be wise enough to know when we need to say “no” and stop taking the abuse. Jesus was not a doormat, and neither should we be.
When I am consumed by the way things seem, and I remember to focus on the truth, I am reminded my identity does not come from the world. It comes from the One who created me, who knows me fully and loves me still. There is likely not a single person on this earth that could say the same. Some wouldn’t even care to try. But it’s not them I have to answer to in the end. Instead, it’s Him.
Every time I open my mouth.
Every time I make a decision.
Every time I voice an opinion or concern.
Every time…
My job is to reflect Him – the true Christ, not the watered down, Americanized, tolerant version of Christ. Where I’ve been getting bogged down is the fact that I’m trying to live for a curated version of Jesus rather than the real Jesus. I’m done with that now.