Imposter Syndrome and Inferiority
I went to a conference recently where we talked about the call of God on our lives. At the end of the first session, the conference leaders stood up holding scissors and a roll of twine.
“We want you to come up and cut off a few inches of twine. This is to symbolize what it is that you’re getting rid of so that you can move forward in your call.”
As I watched other women take their places at the front of the room to sever their piece of twine, I heard things like “fear,” “this is not important,” “doubt,” “other people’s opinions,” and the rest I missed as I was thinking about how it was strange to start this way. Generally, this kind of thing would go at the end, right? But then I thought, “If we get this out of the way now, we will be able to take all that we are learning and move forward starting today. How cool!” And then, it was my turn.
Sure, I could cut off a piece for fear, doubt, the idea that this isn’t important, other people’s opinions… I mean, I could say “amen” to each of those that went before me. What was I going to break free from? What is it that all these things boiled down to for me? Ugh. I didn’t really feel like kicking this event off being this vulnerable.
Believing in me regardless of whether or not everyone else does.
That’s what I cut away. That’s where all my fear, doubt, lack of priority, all of it stemmed from. I knew God called me and that has to be good enough. I’m not in this for a platform or an audience; I’m in it for obedience.
Still, these are lies I have to fight every single day. I’m growing more confident, sure, but I still have to fight. To be honest, I feel so unqualified. In a world with a thousand voices speaking to the very thing I feel God has called me to, I have felt as though my voice doesn’t matter. I don’t want to just add noise to the mix. I don’t want to say something wrong and lead people astray; I don’t want to be a part of the problem that perpetuates bad theology. I don’t want it to be a waste.
I wonder if my heroes ever felt this way. I see them as fabulous, dreaming of sitting among them one day, but was there a point they didn’t feel equipped? Have they sat worried about the same things I am? Surely they didn’t struggle with Imposter Syndrome as they ran hard after Jesus and took steps of obedience toward His call in their lives.
But here’s the thing I’m learning: God is no respecter of persons. His only regard is for the fact that you are covered in the blood, chasing hard after Him each moment of each day. He didn’t call us to live in our places - whether that’s the home, the office, ministry, or life in general - wondering if we’re good enough.
Yes, there are those that have gone before us, those we admire, but they had to learn to fight the lies, too. Yes, there are those it may seem like we will never measure up to, but that’s an arbitrary standard of success with which the world has enticed us. There are moments when each of us will sit in the quiet stillness of the dark wondering if we are cut out for any of the things God has called us to. We will wonder why we lost one of our “fans” suddenly. We will wonder why this journey of serving Jesus is so dang hard.
The truth is that we aren’t enough. Not apart from our Savior. We aren’t capable apart from working in tandem with a holy God.
It’s when we find ourselves trying to do things on our own that we start to question the call of God on our lives - whatever that may look like. It’s when we start trying to complete the work that was started by the Spirit with flesh that we start feeling like imposters (Galatians 3:3).
Now, don’t get it twisted: there are people who will be better equipped to do specific things because of the giftings the Lord has given them. There are certainly people who will be better at what we’re called to due to experience or natural abilities, but that doesn’t disqualify us. The call of God on our lives is clear if we will simply pay attention. We don’t have to battle or fight for it.
He isn’t looking to give our stories to anyone else. Our job is to rest in Him and His work finished on the cross. Because of that, we can believe in us even when nobody else does.