Not Messed Up Enough

This morning as I was poking around on Facebook, procrastinating rolling out of bed to go for my morning walk, I saw a post from Christine Caine.  She shared how her daughter had just recently gotten back from church camp and heard wonderful teaching and several lives transformed.  Each of the speakers had shared their stories from rock bottom to ultimate saving grace.  You know the lives that have been radically transformed beyond recognition.  She found her daughter questioning whether or not God could use because her testimony was not that dramatic.  As I read the story, my heart felt a connection to her because I've been there.

I grew up in church going to these youth camps where the keynote speakers were the ones who had once been a totally mess and now were radically changed.  It made me realize that God was big and could change lives; it reached those "hard to reach" kids.  But I didn't really know where I fit.  If I wasn't a basket case, God couldn't use me, right?  

I felt God's call on my life, and I realized he had big plans for me, so I trusted that...but I still doubted how it was going to work.  I learned as I got older that God saved me from myself at a young age.  He can still use me because I'm not perfect; I've messed up a lot...I've sinned a lot.  I have done a million things I'm not proud of that loaded me down with shame for years. But God uses his people despite what they sometimes think.

I also realized that I was a mess.  My mess just wasn't the same as theirs.  I'm not the same person I was when I became a Christian, and I am not the same person I was even two weeks ago.  God is constantly growing and changing his people.  

Despite knowing these things, I sometimes still feel like I'm not capable or qualified.  I'm young.  I haven't had a whole lot of life experience.  I don't know the right people.  What would I say?  What would I write?  What if they don't get it?  And then I am reminded that all of that doubt is about me.  I'm underestimating what God can do because I think I'm beyond help.  It's not about me; it's about God and his glory.  If he has called me to it, he will give me the words to say and the words to write, and they will get it.  It's not about me doing what I can.  It's about pressing into him and letting him do his job as I walk in obedience to him.

Today is one of those that my heart is with those daughters.  I know what you're feeling.  I know how much you want to be used in awesome ways by God but feel like your story isn't "enough."  It is.  God wants to use us differently.  He has different people for us to minister to in a way that others can't.  Hold on to that and move forward in bold obedience.  He will make a way because you are a saved and weary sinner and needed Christ just as bad as the others.