Tear-Stained Renewal

Last night, I sat on my front porch with my husband watching the sun fall behind the houses.  It was a nice, cool(ish) night so many people passed by on their evening walks.  I saw blurry rays of sunshine stream through the leaves on the trees.  If people would have stopped in front our house for just one second they may have seen the sunshine glisten off my tears.

That occurrence is a lot more common than I would like to admit these days, but the truth is, it's release for me.  These past few months the Lord has called us to new things, but we are so uncertain.  We don't know what he's doing, and we're just trying to walk in obedience, but it's hard when you can't see the path.  The truth is, his word says that he will be a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path (Psalm 119:105); he never says that it will be a flood light that allows us to see all the things.  I forget that.  If I could see it all, I wouldn't need to trust him because I would know exactly what was coming.  For me, sometimes that not knowing gets overwhelming, and I just have to cry a little.

See, God has placed in our hearts some big dreams, and I don't buy that he would allow our dreams to be stretched without providing a way to see them realized.  Our dreams aren't our own, they're his for his glory so he will see them through.  He finishes what he starts.  The trick is that we can't see his timeline and that's frustrating.  He's just asking us to walk in obedience and that means that we obey his timeline, too.  

I am learning that following God's timeline doesn't necessarily mean to sit around and wait while we twiddle our thumbs.  It means to move forward, doing the work required so at the at the proper time we will reap the harvest.  

We have to trust that God is faithful.  We have to trust that he will do what he says.  We have to be obedient, and we have to be faithful.  But sometimes, it takes some reminding.

I read in my quiet time this morning Proverbs 13:12.  It talks about waiting being tiring and how sometimes in the midst of it we can lose hope, but when our desires he has given us are realized it's a tree of life. It brings renewal and refreshment.  I prayed that day wasn't too far off for us to at least see a bit of progress and a bit of hope.  I prayed that we would be found faithful even when it seems like we're losing hope because God isn't trying to be mean.  He's trying to grow us and sanctify us for what he has prepared for us to do.

If my face is tear-stained tonight it's because of the Lord's reminders of faithfulness rather than my throwing a fit.